I believe that is quite innappropiate for Christian teenagers or any teenages!

I do not believe that this is innappropiate; explain to me how this is in the slightest form unchristan like?

abha,

i think for a Bahai Junior Youth Group this game would be fun, however perhaps we could chnage 'Honey if you love me' to 'If you are my friend.'
Also we would have to go through the rules

really though, how is this game inappropriate?

This game is great fun for youth... even a christian group! After all, aren't we supposed to love one another?

That being said, I would suggest establishing a No Contact rule. As that is what was done when we played with our group.

because girls should not be sitting on boys laps give no place to the devil

we play this same game but we don't sit on anyone's lap! We just look at them and say "Honey, do you love me?" Then they have to respond back (without smiling) "Honey, I love you but I just can't smile" My kids love it!!! They ask to play it all the time!

I played this all the time in youth group, we always had the option of sitting in the lap and touching (as long as it was appropriate). Sometimes it was funnier to kneel in front of the person. The long and short of it is that it's not sexual, it is comedic, you aren't thinking of the girl on your lap, you're thinking about not smiling while trying not to burst with laughter.

Junior High Students love this game. It is not inappropriate at all.

I AGREEE WITH FUNNY AND GREAT GAME NOT INAPPROPRIATE!!!!! Besides change it to "If you like me you'll smile" besides its way funnier when they say If you love me! ha ha ha ha. I mean come on what's inappropriate is people who are too uptight.

I actually played this as a game in year 11 on leadership camp. My experience of it was not of a 'sexual' nature, and i infact LOVED it, it was hilarious! As it was a large group, it was easy to only sit on the laps of people we felt comfortable with. As it is also in a stuctured environment where everyone is being watched, it hardly leaves room for inappropriate touching etc.

HOWEVER, as a youth leader now, i would play it with hesitance, as I understand that it does make some people feel uncomfortable. For this reason, it is best to judge the group and the dynamics of that group to discern whether it is appropriate to play the game.

I think Phariss may have a point though in saying that we are a bit too uptight with things sometimes. It only becomes a big deal when we MAKE it a big deal- after all, back in yr 11, i didn't think anything of sitting on everyone's lap...

What do others think?

It's a good game... the kids love it and the sitting on laps is optional... we make it so there is a boy girl rule - that if you are a boy, you have to ask a girl first, but if she say 'honey i love you but i just cant smile' without laughing, then that boy has to ask a boy, then a girl, then a boy till someone new is out... the kids dont take it seriously so as leaders, why make something into an issue that isnt an issue

I rekon a great Variant of the Game is Saying "Honey I Love you so will you marry me" and the other person has to repley, "I love you to but i cant marry you" all without smiling, its funny just to watch and if you say its inapropriate just grow up because its just a bit of fun. :)

people need to relax...its not a lusting thing..people need to be more open to teens having fun and stop thinking there crazy hormonal kids

We play, but you can say whatever you want, as long as it's appropriate, but you have 30 seconds. No touching, except of the hand. It's just as funny, and though students are not all hormonal kids, some are, and there is no extra need. If the need isn't there, there's no real reason to do it. I'm not being legalistic in the "no touching" rule, just being intentional.

thats right....i read that passage in the Bible..."boys and girls should be separated and have no contact of any form whatsoever" Fundamentalism 1:1

this game is clearly harmless and can be done in a fun tasteful way that wont "allow room for the devil"

Oi! i reckon this game is inappropriate for a youth group, it is hard enough keep teens away from each other as it is! this is just letting it happen... From a leaders point of view, we should be mindful of what we teach our youth and how we behave around them... Believe it or not they (youth) listen to alot more than you think... we have a youth group who are very crazy and random, but at the same time we need to teach righteousness and holiness... im sorry ive picked at this game, i love most of the other games on this site but when i came across this one it just didnt sit right with me...

I really like the persons idea of just saying it and adding "but I can't smile". I don't think it's close minded of the people that think it's inappropiate. You have to be cautious when dealing with children. You don't know how each one is going to react. Your goal is to influence the children correctly, right? You don't want to GIVE PLACE to the devil where their is even a crack that he could get in to influence them in the wrong way. After all the bible does say that it's good for a man not to even touch a woman. I know that it's not talking about that way but I know a many of guys who have told me that all a girl has to do is look at them a certain way. Come on do we have any truthful men out there??? When you were that age what would you have liked more than the girl you had a crush on decided to sit on your lap???

This is frustrating sitting here and seeing how some of these comments from people. Like it was previously said, STOP BEING SO UPTIGHT!!! I am a little younger, so I will give you the point of view of someone who has just left the youth group and becoming a youth leader. A young person does not think in any inappropriate way when playing this game! The last thing on their mind is something negative. Only until it is brought to their attention MIGHT there be a problem. Like it was said earlier, the person is too busy making sure they don;t laugh or smile to be focused on the person sitting on their lap. We need to be a little more open to things, stop being so uptight and learn how to have fun.

I know that when you put to many restrictions on youth, that is when they lash out and go against what they should do. They will want to do bad if you don't allow a little space to have fun and learn. Educate them, show them great and clean ways to have fun, WITHOUT being so uptight, and things will work out just fine.

wow! quite a bit of feedback, everything in moderation is a safe way to go, so here is a moderation that is safe and fun. 1. kids must switch between asking a boy then a girl then a boy etc. or girl boy girl just as long as there is a switch of genders. 2. Contact is allowed between same gender only, this adds safety and hilarity at the same time. 3 Kids can opt to watch or play then there is no uncomfortable situations for sensitive kids. 4 there can be No, cut-downs or comments to be funny against the person asking only "Honey I love you but I just cant smile." 5. after three tries a leader must take over female for girls male for boys this gives everyone a safe way out and not one kid dying in the circle for ten tries etc. It also is good for the adults who maybe tough nuts to crack a smile to be in the middle for the kids to see. Its not about fun for some its about fun for all and loving and protecting these kids when they are in your care.

A tactical retreat is not a bad response to a surprise assault, you know. First you survive. Then you choose your own ground. Then you counterattack.

I have only just this year started youth group leading so I don't come with years of experience or whatever. I can see what's so funny and exciting about this game but that's also why I don't think I'll use it in my youth group.

The game trivialises a mature, Christ-centered relationship. It makes pointless, spur-of-the-moment relationships seem ok. Having spent time at a University College, this game isn't too far removed from the alcohol-fuelled antics that happened there... I could go on but that's the crux of my first objection.

I realise that alot of the humour and fun comes from trying not to laugh at the ridiculous nature of the game. I did "Teeth Teeth" last week and it was a riot.

The other thing that is naggging at my conscience with this game is that I'd imagine the older guys in the group would love to play the fool with the other guys. The number of christians of all ages who struggle (mostly on the private level) with homosexuality is something that we often fail to recognise. People have told me how hard it is to have a personal struggle with homosexuality; on one hand their fellow christian brothers and sisters will condemn it (rightly, like all other sins; adultery, theft, etc) but will then carelessly and wantonly make crass jokes about homosexuality (i.e some guy sharing intimate feelings and expressions of love for another bloke whilst sitting on their lap).

These may be nit-picking points and over-cautious in most cases BUT we have a responsibility towards our brothers and sisters in the faith not to cause them to stumble. I think this game could potentially do more damage than good.

This game can be inappropriate and it can be fine! It all depends on the group. I once played it and it was really not good at all - the guys picked the girls they liked and stroked their faces and made the poor girls quite uncomfortable. If the group all knows each other real well and they keep it to getting down on their knees, I think it can be great fun. I wouldn't chose this game as an ice-breaker for a new group or for a time when there are visitors! But with a group of fun, outgoing people who are comfortable with one another, I think it's fine. And funny!

I played this game when I was in youth and it terrified me: I was petrified that I'd laugh and have to sit on somebody!

That said, now as a leader I would consider playing this game with some variations. I would get the kids down on one knee as if proposing instead of sitting on laps, and I agree with Mark in that leaders should take over for kids after 3 tries so it doesn't get too uncomfortable for them. Also, I would hesitate to play this with a group that didn't feel comfortable around one another yet (ie, new or too young).

It was great fun when I participated in youth group and still is great fun 30 year later when I run a youth group

You know what, just because u bann stuff like touching in this game doesent mean they wont go out and do it there, we have playd this game before..As long as the guy or a girl didnt touch the opposit sex in a inappropriate manner it was all well, youngsters felt fine..As long as u dont rub ni theyr faces..." ur not allowed to touche, cuz ur all horny youngsters!"

you have to treat them like adults, if something goes out of hand, you have to tell them..church youth group is not something to be hated by youngsters becuz we have set too many rules, then theyd just rather hang outside!

I love this game, My youth love this game. Playing with a no contact rule if fine, but not necessary, i think it's a great way to help our youth learn boundaries... life isn't black and white e can't tell them don't touch anyone at all until you're married so lets teach them appropriate behavior. really at the end of the day I'd say it's the leaders who have the sex issues if they can't play an innocent game without thinking about sex.

my kids loved this! I thought it was going to go on all night. They loved trying to make each other smile and laugh. People really need to lighten up!

wow, i'm shocked at how many people actually think this game is cool. I'm no prude, not uptight, not judgemental, but honestly? I can't imagine pitching this game to my youth group. For one it sounds awefully cheesy, and pointless. I can't imagine telling some of our highschool girls that for this next game they will sitting on the boys laps asking them to smile. Haha...seriously? How is that a good idea?

I actually played this game in highschool at a year 11 leadership camp and I really enjoyed it. There was no issue with the sitting on others laps and i think this was mainly because we were all old enough to be a bit mature about it and realise it was a game and not a time to be sexually inappropriate.

I feel that often the big barrier between christians and non-christians and the thing that scares them off the church is that we (and i include myself in this) can be far too uptight on such a wide range of topics. While i understand that we should not give in to the world's desires, i think we also need to make sure we don't distance ourself from the rest of the world and create a culture that only the most prudish of people can enter in to. For example human contact- it is not wrong to hug people and to experience human physical affection, but our fear of being led astray from our purity vows means we put a ban anything that may be 'inappropriate'. It is not wrong to enjoy a glass of wine, but our fear of becoming drunk stops us from drinking. It is not wrong to dance, but our fear of getting sucked into the 'evil ways' of nightclubs stops us from going out 'on the town'.

i COMPLETELY understand where my friends are coming from when they say that Christianity is not relevant to today's people or it is outdated. In no way do we need to become like the world, but we do need to be in it in order to reah others and share the gospel.

ANd being in it does mean we do need to be a bit more relaxed about our view points. This DOES NOT mean letting our standards slip, but it does mean loosening up a bit and not assuming that playing a game involving physical touch is going to arouse sexual emotions, or that one drink will lead us to be alocholics etc etc

I'd love to know others opinions on this...bearing in mind that i am in no way attacking others viewpoints so would appreciate that others don't attack mine :P

I played this game when i was in Youth-group about 7years ago, we had so much fun playing this game, and there was never an issue with anything sexual, i wouldn't have an issue playing this game with a group of teenagers

I've played this game with my youth group. They love it. We don't have someone stand in the middle, we just sit in a circle and each person says to the person to the right "Honey, if you love me, you'll smile" and that person has to answer "Honey, I love you but I just can't smile" - without smiling or laughing. I have a youth group of all girls (oddly enough there are no boys that age in our church at the moment) and they get the giggles and have a great time with it. They make funny faces and say it in funny voices...but they don't sit on each others laps. It just becomes a contest to see who can keep a straight face. Then they started doing "challenges" sisters took on sisters...it was pretty funny.

I don't think this is an inappropriate game. Youth leaders should just use their own judgment regarding physical contact. Its a great way for kids to just have a good time and enjoy being together as a group. Sometimes the point of a game can be to just laugh and have fun. :)

The youth of today are far too promiscuous.

We only allow our kids to see each other in the car park, then we seperate the genders as soon as they get inside the church hall.

So unless you can play this game in a car park, this is a silly game.

only allow your kids to see each other in the car-park? My goodness that's too much; that is panic. Trust me they will 'see each other' somewhere. You should teach them about biblical relationships, biblical views of men and women, husbands and wives, etc. You can teach boys to respect girls, girls not to flirt or wear seductive clothing, etc. etc. If your church cannot handle the idea of boys and girls relating to each other, they will learn it else where (they already do - by your reticence on the topic, you concede to the secular education they get all the time).

Have some courage or you will soon find yourself locking your children in the basement or something, LDS compound style. Do not fear the world; fear God.

People need to get over it. It's fine for a christian youth group. Geez, lighten up everyone. We don't need to be stereotypical christians. We're allowed to say 'I love you' outside of marriage.

If you don't like the game, don't play it.
*GASP* Is it really that simple?!? Yes.

This is a very, very simple issue that LEADERS need to pay attention to. You are responsible for people's CHILDREN at youth group, not for your private opinions about contact, sexuality, and so on. Guess what, kids have quite enough pressure from society to "get close." Let us be a voice of reason here leaders. Yes, plenty of kids can get close without feeling awkward, uncomfortable, or sexual. I couldn't agree more, but don't let your pride blind you. Some kids cannot sit on someone's lap without having there hormones race like crazy, so why push the issue. Here is your proof. When I was a teen, I was hormonal and certainly would have enjoyed this game....for the wrong reasons. I'll be the first to admit it. And I'm not a monster okay, Christians are human and fight temptation just like those who are not yet saved. You know perfectly well that at least some of the parents of those children would be quite upset or disappointed with the leadership, knowing their kids were asked to sit on eachother's laps at youth group. That is reason enough to simply utilize one of the thousands of other fun games, and ignore the foolish pride of arguing the games' appropriateness.. I was a teenager not too long ago, and now I'm a leader with my group. Grow up and lead. Put your pride and your politics behind you if you want to serve in this type of fashion. Kids need rolemodels at youth group, not people who are willing to expose their weaknesses. Lady leaders, I know you enjoyed this game as a kid. I am telling you as a brother in the faith, guys like this game too. Why? Because you sit on their laps. Boys will be boys, I can't speak for the girls, but I know what boys think. Lets be the adults on this topic, and let their parents decide appropriate girl/guy boundaries and contact. Do ya really need to play the game? Simple answer. No. Let it go.

Well I would not play this game - I remember being subjected to the 'sit on lap' version as a teen and found it sexually stimulating - which made me feel very awkward - but just had to go along so as not to be laughed at. Do you really know all your teens and their secret thoughts and feelings. If not, you as the leader should not put any one of them through what I had to go through - you do not have that right.

I've played this icebreaker at a high school conference. It was very interesting! Instead of sitting on peoples laps, we just stood up and there were no chairs. It was really fun looking at people trying not to laugh.

I have played/and led this game! I think it is a great way of establishing trust between people! I led the game with a group of 30 16year old boys. Watching them pluck up the courage to sit in another boys lap and tell them they love them is amazing... yes they do joke to start with but it became such a challange to make the others laugh that we had falsetto voices and the like. People tend to be so oh you cant touch you cant say love. But hey no wonder so many relationships end up in tatters. This is a trust game.!!!!

OMGOSH some of you need to grow Up Please i am a salvation Army Youth Pastor and There is Noting wrong with this game Or any of its Kind Please For Crying out loud its a bit of Fun and If it were up to you guys Youth Groups Would have no fun not be Co Ed And Have Boys and Girls in Seperate rooms Please Just Go check yourselves And Ease up on the Youth

people i mean where are your minds if you see that iys all about laughs you would know that it's quiet fun!!!!

All comes down to the kinds of kids you are handling. I know our youth can't be trusted with any games that give them the opportunity to speak as part of the game (especially this kind of game). We are constantly modifying our games so there is minimal physical contact between sexes, and for the sake of unnecessary violence we don't even use most sports equipment.

If your giving the kids an opportunity to say or do the wrong thing, they'll often take it. IT IS possible to have fun and avoid a lot of this awkwardness if you plan your games carefully.

guess what people!! kids are out there in the worldthey will learn from everyone not only you. so why not teach them that looking at someone or even touching them in an appropriate way is ok? kids are become so antisocial and so secluded because of internet gaming and msn and all that, they need to feel love in the right perspective and Touch is a form of love, next thing that will be considered "Inappropriate" is hugs. even if its inappropriate i will still hug my friends wether its a guy or girl, because guess what?? Jesus hugged people, Jesus was everywhere with people and i bet you he hugged and cared for people always.

lets refocus our thoughts on showing these kids the Right kind of Love so they can go be a light shinning in this dark world.

Thanks

this is unbelievable. so many of you (probably all leaders at your church) can't see why this is inappropriate! a girl sitting on a guy's lap and asking them if they love them to give them a smile!!?? are you serious?

this is not the kind of thing you want (or even need) to encourage amongst your kids. christian flirting is so destructive to youth groups.

seriously guys, use your heads. think about what jesus would be thinking as he watches you encourage your youth group kids to sit on each other's laps...

i think this is a really good idea

this is one dangerous game. all 13 times we've played it it's ended with dramas. we've had 3 unwanted pregnancies just from this game.

We used to play this all the time @ a Christian summer camp i frequented as a child.

really, 3 girls got pregnant just from sitting on a boys lap when both had clothes on? Wow, as a nurse they don't teach us that in nursing school. it is a game. If you don't think your kids can handle sitting on someone's lap, play the no touch rule, that is what we did all those years at summer camp. Or as someone else said, kneel infront of the person. It isn't hard to modify a game to fit your group. And Don, nice try, girls can't get pregnant from sitting on a boys lap with clothing on. Grow up and read some books that are written on a non-religous basis, you might learn a thing or two about how babies are made!!

Stop being childish and just change the position of the players. Instead of them sitting in each others laps have them kneel on the floor.

i love waffles

I used to play this when I was in youth and then used to lead this when I became a leader. The youth loved this game and most of them are smart enough to know what is appropriate and what is not. With the current bunch of kids it is not something I would play, because they are more into faster paced games.

But if I had a smaller group one night it would be one I would play again. And it just comes down to being able to judge the group and knowing how this sort of game would run.

Like it has been mentioned before just modify it to what works and what is appropriate for your group. As for completely banning any form of contact between the sexes is taking it to the extreme.

Have a night where the girls and guys do seperate things to help minister to those more deeper issues and being able to discuss things with same sex leaders.

Just have them kneel down if you think it's inappropriate and not give offensive comments. You don't have to do step by step what the instructions wrote, you can have some creativity and modify it.

I love this game and im good at it

lol, we use to play this at youth years ago and they stoped it cuz some of us went out of hand and went ferther (in a safe n funny way) haha now im a leader im gonna bring it BACK! God gave male and female, lets embrase it.

I am 17 and we play this gam quite a lot at our youth group. I do not feel that this game is inappropriate in any way. I can understand how some people from the older generation may not see the point in it but it is a random game that is a good laugh. We do sit on each other's laps but only if we are comfortable with that person. There is never any sexual stimulation from it. If you feel that the game is inappropriate then you obviously have no trust in your young people that they cannot have light hearted fun. Not all teenagers are after sex-yes, there are hormones but the majority of teenagers can control them.
Everybody who thinks this is inappropriate should take time to consider how these youth are in the church youth group when they could be hanging around the streets and actually getting themselves into trouble- real trouble!

The point of this game is to make the situation a little awkward and sit on someone's lap and get right in their face so they crack! I played it at youth with no contact and it was an EPIC failure cos no one cracked.

Bahaha! Waffles. Classic. that thread was getting me down until that comment by Johny! I remember playing this game in my younger days, and i'm now a leader and it's still gold.

I don't see how it's inappropriate. I'm a 19 year old guy, played this a couple years back in a camp. I can see where it might be construed as being dangerous. But you just have to be wise about it. If the group you're handling are mostly younger kids, then don't play it. They're not old enough to understand. But if the group's older/a mix, then it's pretty much okay. Of course, the lapsitting bit is a bit racy. I know this 'cause I'm a guy, and know all too well that male hormones actually exist =) Like some have said, vary it up a bit.

To those who are scared that this game might really go the wrong way, I can only say one thing: give us youth a break. We aren't as stupid as to think that this whole thing is real. I'm not gonna think that the pretty girl who just said "I love you" to me really does; it's all part of the game.

We understand that it's just a game.

That said, I reiterate that wisdom and discretion is heavily advised. If you think that sitting in one's lap really is too much, then don't go for it. Kneel. Fake propose, which is even better as it looks even more ridiculous.

And by the way, I'm saying this as an Asian guy, raised in a conservative background. Most of my peers have been raised up in the same way, with typically conservative and traditional parents.

whoever thinks this is inappropriate, its only gets so when you allow people to say or do what they want; with all due respect, any one who thinks this game is innapropriate is a prude

i'm 16 and my youth group plays this game where we all stand in a circle and say " honey if you love me will you give me a smile" and the other person says(with out smiling) "honey i love you but i just can't smile" and some say "i don't love you and i just won't smile"
anyway we have a pretty small and "close" youth group and i don't think any of us think anything "so horrible" when we play this game... we're to busy feeling stupid and consentrating on not smiling. but i guess i don't really know... i'm just a sex obsessed teenager.

THIS IS VERY INAPROPRIAT AND DO NOT SAY IT ISNT. THAT IS OPENING A DOOR FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. WHEN YOU SIT IN SOMEONES LAP THATS SAYING ITS OK TO DO THAT. THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GAMES. COME PEOPLE. IF YOUR GONNA PLAY THIS GAME WITH YOUR GROUP. YOU DONT NEED TO BE THE YOUTH PASTOR. JUST SAYIN.

I AGREE WITH CALED V.

I reiterate:

"...wisdom and discretion is heavily advised. If you think that sitting in one's lap really is too much, then don't go for it. Kneel. Fake propose, which is even better as it looks even more ridiculous."

We played this in our youth group.
But we were standing so instead of sitting on each others laps we were allowed to do anything to try and get them to smile.
Really broke the ice, making people comfortable around each other.
Highly recommended :)